you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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