What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
