Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
