weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
