told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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