sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
