the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You left your phone here
Wait...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
