There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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