He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
