I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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