i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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