duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
