Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
