yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
