Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
and you said cock pushups were impossible
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
