he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
