My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
