having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
