i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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