I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
