you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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