my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
