I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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