The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
