I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
There r osticjed everywhere
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
