remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
