I hope mine doesn't look like that
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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