I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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