she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
