and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
