Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We have started to decorate penises.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
