You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
