I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
