allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
