I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
is wine microwaveable?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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