I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You are the jesus of drinking
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