Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
