I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
