Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
