What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
