your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I smell stomach acid.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
