I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
