I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
then he tried to convert me to islam
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
