if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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