I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
