Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
