mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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