i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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