I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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