Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
