She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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