i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
