I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
