I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
